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i care way too much..it takes a toll on me. i get attached way too fast. i get my heart hurt too much. i’ve been hurt too many times. i give people chance after chance after chance. no matter how bad they hurt me i give them another chance. if someone doesn’t answer me for awhile i always think the worst. i try to not think about the what if’s, it’s hard to do. i have a big heart, it let’s me care-care too much. sometimes it’s a bad thing , but sometimes it’s a good thing. i am trying to not be “too much “. it makes me want to relapse to take my mind off of whatever i’m thinking. i’ve been clean for about three and a half months. everything seems like too much sometimes. i can’t help but care , love, appreciate, etc; too much.
Hey Gabriella, I know it must have not been easy but thank you for sharing. I understand how you are feeling, as I too am a very over caring person. It was a struggle for me because I would always think the worst as well when people didn't answer, were they mad at me, did I do something. In the end it was my mind making everything up. My advice from my experience, actively work on your thoughts and never stop. Try to limit negative and change to positive. STOP letting people hurt you multiple times. We do not need people in our lives that do not respect or care about our feelings. Do not ever stop loving and caring, just start giving more to the right people. As for being clean, I AM PROUD OF YOU, stay strong.
Hi ladies as i read your shares i knew i had been in your shoes. I learnt with many lessons good and bad that it is honestly ok not to spread yourself too thin as you already know once a good support person always a good support person lol. Others sadly begin to get addicted to our loving caring support BUT once we love them with TRUTHS all goes quiet. We are the positive person that so many need but we can be also the persons that no one wants around because we represent accountability as we truely want those that need us to rise an empower themselves with independance of confidence and good choices an change. So my lovelies what i do is if im going in to hlp someone i go in with no expectations, offer advice only when asked but let the other person know that i come from a true intention place but it is completely a choice if they take my advice, dnt hate the messenger who is offering clarity 😉😘
It’s been 3 years and 4 months since my mother died. It’s been 4 months since I ended a 3 year long relationship that ultimately ended because I have no idea who I am. I am 21 years old with no idea what I want to be when I grow up No idea where I am supposed to fit in No idea who I’m supposed to fit in with. I have felt so lost the past 3 years with the loss of my mom and on top of that I was in this relationship that was so new to me. Here I am 3 years later still without my mom but also without my relationship. And I just want to figure out who I am and where I belong in the world.
I never liked mirrors. I never liked to look at myself. I couldn’t look at myself. From being a child who thought “I’m not like the pretty girls” growing up to a teenager “I’m not thin enough” a little older and all those thoughts are just me looking back at myself saying I’m not good enough. I was never good enough. In my head I was never the daughter my mom wanted, or the athlete my dad invested so much money into. I was scared of who I was and what I was becoming. So scared that the only way I could look at myself was though eyes that were altered. From starvation to substances to sex I looked at myself and while I hated myself I was able to see someone other than myself. Today I look at myself, I see those eyes those high eyes those tired eyes, those hungry eyes. I look at myself right in the eyes and see who I am. I see that kid that was scared and that was never good enough, but I see someone who can see past all that and know that where I am at today is far from where I was but still far from where I am going. I work on myself everyday so I can see clearly who I am and who I will become.
This is coming from a first responder, But I also want to bring light to our profession. We are the heroes far too often that do the healing and the saving, when in reality we ourselves need to be healed.
My experience as a first responder has brought me to the lowest of lows, and this is where my story begins. I have struggled with PTSD for years now. Several months ago it finally became the biggest monster in an empty room. I came home from shift like I always do but this night was different. I didn’t make dinner, I didn’t fold my uniform for the next day, I came home telling myself I didn’t want to go to work tomorrow. I went to bed early which was unusual for me. In the middle of the night I was having a night terror, full of the scenes I’ve witnessed in my career. Half awake and terrified I reached for my off duty weapon in my night stand and held it to my head. Without a second thought I pulled the trigger. I prayed it would get the images out of my head. I didn’t want feel the pain or see it anymore.
Somehow that night I had a guardian angel watching over me. I had forgotten to load my gun. I pulled the trigger and nothing happened. I fell to my floor in tears wondering why?? Questioning what I was thinking, why I was still here.
It took me a while to realize it, but I am still here to make a difference. I’m here to give a voice for first responders because we suffer in silence. Big strong heroes are not allowed to be weak. No brother or sister should suffer the ultimate pain. And if my words can keep just one officer, EMT, or fire fighter alive than my work here is done. I’m here today for a reason, and it’s to make sure no one suffers alone.
Thank you.
Hey Gabriella, I know it must have not been easy but thank you for sharing. I understand how you are feeling, as I too am a very over caring person. It was a struggle for me because I would always think the worst as well when people didn't answer, were they mad at me, did I do something. In the end it was my mind making everything up. My advice from my experience, actively work on your thoughts and never stop. Try to limit negative and change to positive. STOP letting people hurt you multiple times. We do not need people in our lives that do not respect or care about our feelings. Do not ever stop loving and caring, just start giving more to the right people. As for being clean, I AM PROUD OF YOU, stay strong.
Hi ladies as i read your shares i knew i had been in your shoes. I learnt with many lessons good and bad that it is honestly ok not to spread yourself too thin as you already know once a good support person always a good support person lol. Others sadly begin to get addicted to our loving caring support BUT once we love them with TRUTHS all goes quiet. We are the positive person that so many need but we can be also the persons that no one wants around because we represent accountability as we truely want those that need us to rise an empower themselves with independance of confidence and good choices an change. So my lovelies what i do is if im going in to hlp someone i go in with no expectations, offer advice only when asked but let the other person know that i come from a true intention place but it is completely a choice if they take my advice, dnt hate the messenger who is offering clarity 😉😘