I have been in a 10 year relationship with someone I didn't know was an addict...I will fast forward to 2 weeks ago when he admitted to being an addict and getting help.. his been receiving outpatient treatment....lost his 15 year job but is getting treatment...but for me it's an every day struggle. I can not understand what it is to be an addict because I never been one but I am trying to understand my boyfriend but it's like a mental challenge when I feel I am being attacked by him 24/7...its mentally abusive when his telling me his the way he is because of me or that before he meet me he was ok...when I know he was not ok...I am trying to stay positive and be here for him but how can I do so when in his recovery process I am hurting myself...we have a disabled child and I feel I am losing my mind over everything happening around me and I want to be positive for my son and his dad but I feel lost and I hate not knowing what will be the outcome.
The unimaginable is not just in the movies, it's real life, my life. I grew up differently then most my mom was unmarried, hardly worked and struggled with addiction, my father was absent. We grew up in a chaotic environment, different men, drugs, abuse, many things I seen and knew of before I was even 10. You would think seeing what drugs do to a family would have kept me from doing them, well I wish that were true, but I became a meth addict by the age of 13. I was on the streets my whole teen life, I was raped at 13, pregnant by 17, no education and a life upside down. I didn't get it, I knew I wanted a better life but I knew no way to make that happen. You would think there would have been an easier way my life could have been changed but when you choose to run with a racist crowd as I did there were not many good outcomes to my madness. That's right I was a racist piece of crap junky who made enemies which eventually led me to getting my 8 month old daughter taken from me by CPS (to be clear at this time I was sober and back in school). After losing my daughter I went back to getting high, I began to spiral out of control, I was homeless and was at my absolute worst. That wasn't the worst, the worst was during this time I became pregnant (which I discovered 5 months into) and I could not stop using, I was ingesting methamphetamine into my body in turn I was allowing my unborn child to be subjected to my drug use. Yeah, I know the words that are going through your head trust me I have called myself every name in the book, I know I was low I will never deny that. To speed up this story I delivered my daughter in September 2004, she was taken by CPS from hospital and I was escorted to jail in cuffs. A few days later miraculously a bed needed to be filled at the Ranch recovery center and a friend who was looking out for me got ahold of me and I was there that night September 26th 2004. I have never looked back my daughter I delivered addicted was returned to me (after alot of hard work) 18 months later, I was early released from felony probation in 2007. 2009 I married my husband William, I have 3 children whom live with me, I went back to school got my GED in 3 months and in 2013 got my associate's degree and in 2017 my bachelors degree. I was suprisedly found by my oldest daughter in November of 2017 and we are now reconnected, I made a decision to sell my Michigan home pack up my 3 children and husband and move back to California to be closer to my daughter now 16. My daughter whom was born addicted, thrives she is amazing and talented and holds high honors in school despite the issues she has faced physically due to my incompetence. All my 4 children are amazing because of them I am a changed woman. I am now currently in college for my master's in addiction counseling. I plan to use my life and my struggles to help others in recovery from addiction, abuse and mental health disorders. This post wasn't to gain any sympathetic responses but time after time I have been doubted or knocked because of the person I was, that person is not who I am today, and i will not let my past define my future. I made horrible choices, ran with horrible people and had ignorant beliefs, none of which I would ever support or be a part of today. Please understand me when I say anything in life is possible if you want it, I am doing big things with my life despite my past so all is possible. Never give up.