You have to allow yourself to have your moments of weakness, bc in them comes the strength you find to continue living for others.

It’s about what you do when no ones watching. Cliche yes but that’s the mentality I have always had. I am not a natural at anything from school to athletics to even looks I would describe myself as extremely good at being slightly above average. I used to wish to find my calling find that place where I can excel and be noticed. For years I forced myself into the thoughts of not being good enough. I know that I may not be smart enough to go to medical school or athletic enough to be a professional athlete or good looking enough to be famous. Sounds harsh but I am reality . Here’s the thing I have a mentality that most people don’t have I have so much fight in me that I will do whatever it takes to be the best version of myself. That’s all done behind closed doors. My semi above average skills with an above average mentality.

I have this theory or motto or rant about life. There is a little backstory to this and it took some time to come up with but in its simplest form I will call it the 24 hour theory.  There are times more often than not, where life doesn't go the way I planned, the way I have been envisioning, the way I was lead on to believe. No matter how good of a person I am, no matter what I do, I have no power over anything other than myself, and the way I adapt to life. So when life happens and I begin to feel feelings, I create thoughts and those thoughts lead to actions.  How long do I allow those feelings to flood my entire being? I say 24 hours, I will give myself 24 hours to feel all the feelings, think all the thoughts and act in the most rational way, without being irrational, a little self control can go a long way, in those 24 hours, but as long as I remember 24 hours later it is over I can keep myself in check.  It is a new day, no matter how big or small weather it’s a headache or a heartbreak, I felt it, I thought on it, I acted on it and then 24 hours will start again and I go on living.

The world has conditioned you: don't sing (you can't), don't dance (you're freaking me out), don't write poems (it's weird). Basically, if we don't have enough self love (AND WE DON'T YET BUT BY GOD WE'RE TRYING DON'T MEDICATE US PLEASE) we are labelled. Well fuck that, call me crazy, depressed, weird, it hurts but whatever, maybe I am all of those things but by god let it be known those are labels of this world, I'm trying to love myself here but turns out the world doesn't support every version of human. We are the ones learning the hard way. We were born with big hearts and open minds. We are the lucky unlucky ones. I am Love, loyalty, protection & happiness but society has shouted "No you're not, you can't be! You don't fit our ideal! Prove yourself, keep proving yourself while we shit all over you and constantly tell you you're not enough!" I see why people lose it, end it, give up. Because to end up giving up, you had to be trying. And not many people are trying for fear of shear abuse and ridicule, but those who are, we , us, the doers, the feelers, the thinkers, the kind, the generous, loving, trying humans get pulled off the ladder daily. We eventually get tired of starting again because its not us who NEED to start again. We start again every morning when we open our eyes ready to give the world another chance. It's the world, the haters, the naysaying racist sexist homophobic hating humans who we live amongst everyday in our hometowns. Us, we, the depressed, the trying, the frustrated, the failing but trying, BELIEVE love is enough but we don't reap what we put out, it is not reciprocated, it is taken for granted until people shake their heads over our grave saying "I had no idea!". The vivid feeling thinkers of the world do their damn best to let you know they need help without hurting you. It's time to hug your partner, your kid, your friend, your sister/brother or neighbour and say "Hey Bro, I am unconditionally here for you" and then STAY for the answer. Us over thinkers will take you for your word and when the offer expires (without us knowing), we think you speak for the rest of the world. BURDEN BURDEN BURDEN. DO NOT let your people down, ask for help or help for goodness sake. You fall under one or the other. Healing or healer. Don't keep to yourself! Find each other, help each other. Fuck the labels and the doctors. Say I love me and I love this person who is having a shitty time with their own head right now, but I am steadfastly here! Be kind in this world of cunts, be somebodies someone. And I write this to my closest friends and family who are still ignoring the signs everyday. Thank fuck you're making me stronger for it but man, I lose love for you daily because you, my dear neighbour, friend, mum, brother, aunty, need to step up. We are not selfish, we are over thinking, over loving, self pressuring, self judging humans, and you mightn't understand us because you haven't bothered too yet. I am not weird, I am not broken, sideways or depressed, I just need y'all sometimes k.