I have not been on here for the longest time. But I wanted to say that today I broke free. On the 26 of June I was going to have 10 years in an abusive relationship..and yes it has been all 10 years... I meet this man on a dating app I was 18 with a 1 year old and fresh out of a recent abusive relationship. He was 25 years old. When I first meet him in person I felt uncomfortable from the very beginning but I was young dumb and desperate. Desperate because i felt alone I felt hurt that I had ended my first long term relationship because of abuse and drugs so jumped right into dating for the first time. While dating him the first 4 years of our relationship he was cheating on me with his ex I never knew anything because he would take me to his house and I met his 2 kids n his mom and dad so I never knew he was cheating on me. I got pregnant and I told him about it and he wasn't so happy he talked me into abortion. Within 2 months I got pregnant again and this time I told him but I didn't let my self get talked into an abortion. I told him I would do it my self and on my own and I did....my pregnancy was the worst. I had gotten my new apartment keeping in mind that he would move in with me since I was having a baby. But he didn't so I was doing everything alone buying things for the baby taking care of my 5 year old working graveyard and going to school and to top it of I was really depressed I didn't want to live and I most definitely didn't want to have my baby no more..but I was to far along to even date take his life. Now our baby was 2 years old and I was paying my mom to babysit both my kids so I can work and make ends meet....we where still dating every once in a while he would come stay with me cuz we still didn't live together. And he never wanted to give me money to help financially so one day he told me that his cousin from Mexico had came to live with him and that she can take care of our son and she wasn't gona charge us....and since things where a bit hard alone for me I said ok....like a month after him picking up my son every morning before my shift he messages me while I was at work asking me if I had called his cousin saying I was gona pick up our son and I told him no I have not so make sure your cousin doesn't give our son to nobody...and he said ok....so I continued working for about 20 mins but I couldn't focus something kept telling me something was wrong so I decided to call his moms house and ask about my son. And some woman answers talking to me in English and I was shocked because he said his cousin had just came from Mexico so I assumed she didn't know any English so I ask the woman are you the mother of his kids and she said yes...so I drove to the house knocked on the door and she opened it and I asked where is his cousin she says what cousin I been the one seeing your son and then she attacked me...long story short cops where called and I said I was done with him and never wanted to see him again...3 months after he messages me saying sorry and I said ok and we started dating again. And I ended up pregnant again and having to do it all over again and once again cheated on me and again I forgave him this time telling him if we would be together it would be only if we moved in together and we did...I thought everything was fine but it wasn't only to find out once again he cheated on me with her and we ended up arguing he hit me in his drunk nights and I defended myself the best I could only to have myself arrested and in jail for a week...finding out I was pregnant again for the 3 time.i left him again for about 3 months and him finding his manipulative way to talk me into forgiving him and using the excuse that he missed our kids so I gave in and again found myself with him....after 3 months of him "changing" he got worse he would push me around try to hit me and made me quit my jobs made me feel like I was a nobody without him and that I needed to be with him because I was not gona make it alone...any money I got by doing little jobs he would take away from me leaving me with nothing all the time...there is a lot more to my story but for today all I can say is I broke that abuse. I got my clothes and my kids clothes and left while he left the house for a bit....I asked a friend for help told he to please rent me a room and she said yes and I left....I told him I left...and all he could tell me was that he wanted the house keys my van and my cellphone because he pays for all that....and that to me just made me more proud to know that I was able to leave. All I can do now is ask God to help me and give me strength to be the best mom I could be to my 4 kids.
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Jun 21, 2019