"My cup is empty but i have to keep pouring into my family's cups." - Anonymous

Growing up I was always very close with my parents but I was especially close with my mom. We did so much together. I lived in a nice house, I had plenty of friends, we went on family beach vacations every year. I knew money was tight at times and sometimes I didn’t get things I needed, such as braces and it took a few years to finally get glasses. My parents fought at times but I knew that was normal and whatever problems they were having, they didn’t let me in on. Fast forward to my twenties. I met a great guy (who I’m engaged to now) and we dated, and after a year I moved in with him. Then came time for our families to meet which went super well and I was so excited for our future! After our parents had met twice, my dad called my boyfriends step dad to ask if he could borrow money. And it wasn’t a small amount. I was SO upset and above all I was embarrassed. I didn’t understand why they needed the money or why he thought it was appropriate to ask people who would probably be my in laws one day. I never got an answer as to why he did it, just reassurance that everything was okay. It clearly wasn’t. Things didn’t feel the same after that but I continued on like normal with them. A little while later, my dad informed me that my car (which was also in his name) was switching to another loan company for a lower monthly payment. I thought this was weird since I didn’t have much left to pay on the car, but it was my dad and I trusted what he was doing. Come to find out, he put my car up as collateral to secure a loan. I was now paying him monthly and he was supposed to apply that to my car balance. But since it was multiple loans all wrapped up in one, it wasn’t going directly to my car balance. I luckily got out of that mess, but my story is far from over. The next thing was I got a collections letter one day for almost $4,000. What the hell?? Turns out it was an unpaid college bill my parents were supposed to have taken care of and didn’t. Since it got sent to collections, that had a negative affect on my credit. He told me he would give me something towards it but I haven’t seen a dime. After some shady things, my boyfriends mom suggested I get copies of my credit which I had never done. I found a credit card on there that was opened in my name in 2009, just days after I turned 18. Payments stopped, it got sent to collections, but the amount wasn’t worth going after so that just got charged off as a bad debt. But still, I wasn’t the one who opened it and it negatively affected my credit. This next one is big. I started using credit karma to monitor things and one day in May I got a notification about an account that was now with collections. I called to get more info since I had no idea what it was. Come to find out, my parents had applied for a line of credit using my name and social, but the funds were deposited into THEIR bank account. They committed identity theft and fraud. I stopped speaking to them in November of 2018. I recently wrote them a letter basically saying I know what you’ve done and you can’t lie your way out of this. The amount of betrayal I feel from them is unimaginable. And here’s the real kicker...they’re going around telling people that the reason I don’t speak to them is because my fiancé is keeping me from my family. HAHAHAHAHA. My fiancé and his mom have had to get me out of these messes that they created! They’re completely in denial about what they’ve done. This has been such a long and messy process trying to get all of this cleared up. I haven’t filed a police report against them (which I’ve been told by many that I should), but instead I’m giving them the option to pay. It’s a shame that whatever circumstance they’re found themselves in they’re keeping from me instead of being honest. Maybe then we’d still have some kind of relationship. Some days I am still flat out angry, some days I cry, and some days I’m fine. Oh, and I’m also in the process of planning my wedding, which they aren’t invited to. I feel so taken advantage of. I’m so incredibly hurt by them and they just don’t seem to get it. They claimed everything was done with my best interest in mind. Ha. Also as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that any friend or close relative my parents had is no longer in the picture. My parents have literally burned the bridge with everyone. I found others that my parents asked to borrow money from and it rubbed people the wrong way. They’re so good at playing the victim and I believed my parents because back then what reason did I have not to? But boy, how things have changed. Some “family.” 

I have not been on here for the longest time. But I wanted to say that today I broke free. On the 26 of June I was going to have 10 years in an abusive relationship..and yes it has been all 10 years... I meet this man on a dating app I was 18 with a 1 year old and fresh out of a recent abusive relationship. He was 25 years old. When I first meet him in person I felt uncomfortable from the very beginning but I was young dumb and desperate. Desperate because i felt alone I felt hurt that I had ended my first long term relationship because of abuse and drugs so jumped right into dating for the first time. While dating him the first 4 years of our relationship he was cheating on me with his ex I never knew anything because he would take me to his house and I met his 2 kids n his mom and dad so I never knew he was cheating on me. I got pregnant and I told him about it and he wasn't so happy he talked me into abortion. Within 2 months I got pregnant again and this time I told him but I didn't let my self get talked into an abortion. I told him I would do it my self and on my own and I did....my pregnancy was the worst. I had gotten my new apartment keeping in mind that he would move in with me since I was having a baby. But he didn't so I was doing everything alone buying things for the baby taking care of my 5 year old working graveyard and going to school and to top it of I was really depressed I didn't want to live and I most definitely didn't want to have my baby no more..but I was to far along to even date take his life. Now our baby was 2 years old and I was paying my mom to babysit both my kids so I can work and make ends meet....we where still dating every once in a while he would come stay with me cuz we still didn't live together. And he never wanted to give me money to help financially so one day he told me that his cousin from Mexico had came to live with him and that she can take care of our son and she wasn't gona charge us....and since things where a bit hard alone for me I said ok....like a month after him picking up my son every morning before my shift he messages me while I was at work asking me if I had called his cousin saying I was gona pick up our son and I told him no I have not so make sure your cousin doesn't give our son to nobody...and he said ok....so I continued working for about 20 mins but I couldn't focus something kept telling me something was wrong so I decided to call his moms house and ask about my son. And some woman answers talking to me in English and I was shocked because he said his cousin had just came from Mexico so I assumed she didn't know any English so I ask the woman are you the mother of his kids and she said yes...so I drove to the house knocked on the door and she opened it and I asked where is his cousin she says what cousin I been the one seeing your son and then she attacked me...long story short cops where called and I said I was done with him and never wanted to see him again...3 months after he messages me saying sorry and I said ok and we started dating again. And I ended up pregnant again and having to do it all over again and once again cheated on me and again I forgave him this time telling him if we would be together it would be only if we moved in together and we did...I thought everything was fine but it wasn't only to find out once again he cheated on me with her and we ended up arguing he hit me in his drunk nights and I defended myself the best I could only to have myself arrested and in jail for a week...finding out I was pregnant again for the 3 time.i left him again for about 3 months and him finding his manipulative way to talk me into forgiving him and using the excuse that he missed our kids so I gave in and again found myself with him....after 3 months of him "changing" he got worse he would push me around try to hit me and made me quit my jobs made me feel like I was a nobody without him and that I needed to be with him because I was not gona make it alone...any money I got by doing little jobs he would take away from me leaving me with nothing all the time...there is a lot more to my story but for today all I can say is I broke that abuse. I got my clothes and my kids clothes and left while he left the house for a bit....I asked a friend for help told he to please rent me a room and she said yes and I left....I told him I left...and all he could tell me was that he wanted the house keys my van and my cellphone because he pays for all that....and that to me just made me more proud to know that I was able to leave. All I can do now is ask God to help me and give me strength to be the best mom I could be to my 4 kids.

How do you not feel alone when you walked away from what completed you . At that time i didnt know i tought i was doing the right “thing“ i didnt want to hurt my mom more . I thought more about her happiness than my own i didnt care if i didnt feel complete or if i felt alone cause i didnt want to see her hurt . But i didnt realize i was the one who ended up hurting more . i felt alone i felt like i had no one to run too. i was 15 yrs ild when i had my first actual realationship with a girl my family didnt know i was dating a girl o have an idea i liked girls i went out with her 3 yrs my family never knew about her . After me n her broke up i started to date a new girl whos name i wont mention for ther privacy when i started dating her i was 18-19 yrs old and we went out and i decided to move out of my moms house more like runaway cause i was so afraid to tell her i had a gf and we were moving in together, me and my mom have never had the mother n daughter relationship the one were you run home to tell your mom u had your first kiss or the one were you run home to your mom n hug her and just tell her how much you love her I never found trust on her i have never been close to her in that way so i never had the trust to tell her im bisexual. I like girls i like guys ....so i decieded to runaway i wrote her a note n left it in her bed i explained i was leaving cause i had a gf amd that i knew she was never going to accept it . After a few weeks somehow she found out were i was she went and talked to me and want it me to move back but keep in mind she wasnt accepting of me having a gf in her eyes it was wrong in her eyes she want it to see her little girl with a man form a family not realizing you dontneed to be married to a man to create life but in her head thats what she saw ! after talking screaming arguing i decieded i wasnt moving back if she didnt accept me for who i am then i wasnt moving back . After months me n this girl went our seperate ways .... and from there on it all went down hill... i decieded to move back to my moms which i only lasted 2 weeks n moved into my aunts place . but the 2 weeks i was back at my moms i realized how much i had hurt her how dissapointed she was in me . How dare me been her little girl make her hurt and dissapoint the woman who gave me life !! Thats when i realized i wasnt going to disapoont her in that way that even if we dont have that mother and daughter relation i wasnt going to hurt her any longer i started to think that i was just been Rebellious and i want it to do the opposite of what she told me . So i started to tell my self everyday every chance every hour that i wasnt. SUPPosed to be with girls that im a girl amd the right thing was for me to be with a man i decieded to walk away from what made me happy to make her happy !! I started to think that if she was happy i would be too not realizing i felt alone and not complete . But that didnt matter cause she was happy right ? Well im now 29 yrs old 10-11 yrs later you might think she happy know she learned to love her life now but let me tell you no . Yes i found a man ive been with him 8 yrs and i see my mothers happiness everytime we both go to her house i see how happy she gets and how much she loves him and comsiders him a son but up to date i feel lonely .. theres alot more but i have somestuff to do i promise if yall want to hear the rest let me know ill continue tonighht !!!