Growing up is tough, everyone knows that.
Growing up with parents who have an addiction is even tougher.
As a kid I was mom to myself, my brother and even my own mother. She and my father have addictions to different drugs one pills, one crack I'll be blunt. Its a battle within yourself to accept it. But this is how some of it goes you come home from school and never know what your going to walk into. You look after your younger brother who doesn't have a clue in the world whats going on. You always wonder why me? Why can't I be the child, considering I am 8 years old (at the time). Why do I gotta cook, clean and be the adult? I have a whole life ahead of me to be an adult. I just didn't understand and there was a lot more and it would take hours and hours to write but with time once you accept your past you learn that YOU are NOT the reason this has happened. This makes us who we are.
Side note with addiction you tend to move around A LOT, I went to 2 elementary schools, 2 middle schools and 5 high schools, it sucks being the "new girl" all the time.
Another thing that comes along with my "fucked up baggage"
Years down the road I was about 14 lived in an okay neighborhood a friend of mine, he was 16 he hung out with my best friends brother..... well he attacked and sexually and physically assaulted me in broad daylight when offering to walk me home. I didn't think this would happen CLEARLY or I wouldn't of took the offer of someone to walk with me to the front of the neighborhood. He was upset cause I wouldn't give into him. Instead he hit me, and went in my pants and tried ripping my shirt off and also tried sticking his tongue in my mouth pinning me tight to where i couldn't move or get away, another friend had witnessed him hitting me when turning the corner and I remember running all the way home after that. It was traumatizing, that moment made it a little harder to trust men because we all know I had daddy issues to begin with.
The abusive drunk
After the life I've had I had thought I had found "the one" everything was so so SO perfect... then you get comfortable my ex loved getting drunk, that's fine live your best life this is America you fought for our freedom (Military man) but then he'd drink almost everyday and when he drank you knew it would be a bad night because you get called every single name in the book. THEN you leave the toxic situation and BOOM find out your pregnant. Get back together to try this "family" thing cause who doesn't want the perfect family look. Drinking continues... brings back memories of times of the past, makes you feel crazy cause you see your son and you don't want the same for him that you went through. But anyways the drinking is constant the name calling is constant you think your strong enough to deal with it for your family but then things start getting physical. I am happy to say about a month ago I made the decision to get away from the toxic situation and basically a repeat of my childhood so my son has the best life he can have.
Anyways these are just things that have happened and there is so much more but this is the main things I wanted to discuss and felt comfortable discussing about.
Because of my past I am emotionally broken I have a very negative mindset and constantly think bad things are going to have I suffer from anxiety and depression. I really want to learn to love myself so I can get on track and take complete control of my life. I just want to feel somewhat normal.
Another thing when you read my story its more so, to inspire you to tell yours. I don't want the "sorry that has happened" I want the "you brought me courage and I'm able to tell my story" you are all amazing and everyone story is beautiful. Thank you for reading.