How do you not feel alone when you walked away from what completed you . At that time i didnt know i tought i was doing the right “thing“ i didnt want to hurt my mom more . I thought more about her happiness than my own i didnt care if i didnt feel complete or if i felt alone cause i didnt want to see her hurt . But i didnt realize i was the one who ended up hurting more . i felt alone i felt like i had no one to run too. i was 15 yrs ild when i had my first actual realationship with a girl my family didnt know i was dating a girl o have an idea i liked girls i went out with her 3 yrs my family never knew about her . After me n her broke up i started to date a new girl whos name i wont mention for ther privacy when i started dating her i was 18-19 yrs old and we went out and i decided to move out of my moms house more like runaway cause i was so afraid to tell her i had a gf and we were moving in together, me and my mom have never had the mother n daughter relationship the one were you run home to tell your mom u had your first kiss or the one were you run home to your mom n hug her and just tell her how much you love her I never found trust on her i have never been close to her in that way so i never had the trust to tell her im bisexual. I like girls i like guys ....so i decieded to runaway i wrote her a note n left it in her bed i explained i was leaving cause i had a gf amd that i knew she was never going to accept it . After a few weeks somehow she found out were i was she went and talked to me and want it me to move back but keep in mind she wasnt accepting of me having a gf in her eyes it was wrong in her eyes she want it to see her little girl with a man form a family not realizing you dontneed to be married to a man to create life but in her head thats what she saw ! after talking screaming arguing i decieded i wasnt moving back if she didnt accept me for who i am then i wasnt moving back . After months me n this girl went our seperate ways .... and from there on it all went down hill... i decieded to move back to my moms which i only lasted 2 weeks n moved into my aunts place . but the 2 weeks i was back at my moms i realized how much i had hurt her how dissapointed she was in me . How dare me been her little girl make her hurt and dissapoint the woman who gave me life !! Thats when i realized i wasnt going to disapoont her in that way that even if we dont have that mother and daughter relation i wasnt going to hurt her any longer i started to think that i was just been Rebellious and i want it to do the opposite of what she told me . So i started to tell my self everyday every chance every hour that i wasnt. SUPPosed to be with girls that im a girl amd the right thing was for me to be with a man i decieded to walk away from what made me happy to make her happy !! I started to think that if she was happy i would be too not realizing i felt alone and not complete . But that didnt matter cause she was happy right ? Well im now 29 yrs old 10-11 yrs later you might think she happy know she learned to love her life now but let me tell you no . Yes i found a man ive been with him 8 yrs and i see my mothers happiness everytime we both go to her house i see how happy she gets and how much she loves him and comsiders him a son but up to date i feel lonely .. theres alot more but i have somestuff to do i promise if yall want to hear the rest let me know ill continue tonighht !!!
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