My name is Aimee and i would like to share my story about my son Fletcher. So at the age of 21 i was working as a Nanny for a lovely family in London, everything was going amazing. After a few days of feeling unwell I spoke to one of my friends ands she came round and recommended i took a pregnancy test just to rule it out. So i did. That day was a life changer. I was pregnant. So after doctors visits and scans i travelled down to my family to tell them, who were surprised but happy, i then had to tell the father, which wasn’t such a pleasant occasion. As at that point we were not in a relationship nor did either of us want to be at the time, so neither of us were prepared for this, but i had two tell him on the phone as he wouldn’t meet me, and it didn’t go well, i go called a lot of names etc and a lot of accusations were made, and he made it very clear he was not willing to be involved or tell anyone, so i ‘dealt’ with it and moved on. The next months of pregnancy were amazing, I enjoyed it so much although my body was going through a lot of changes. I found out at 23 weeks that i was going to be having a boy and I couldn’t of been happier. I did have to leave my job, which meant moving back in with my mum, but she began changing my old room into a nursery which was the greatest feeling. As time got closer and closer i did begin to get more anxious about going out and doing anything due to doctors warning me of my high blood pressure, and began preparing myself mentally for actually becoming a mum. In early July i was told i was going to be induced on the 21st July, i was so excited and nervous at the same time, thinking about all the good things to come. Coming forward to the 17th July i was spending one of my normal days at home, having catch ups with people over the phone just normal day to day, when as i walking through the house i slipped and fell directly onto my bump. It sent fear through my whole body which I couldn’t even describe. After laying on the floor for a while, as I wasn’t able to move, i crawled to grab my mobile and rang for an ambulance as i had continuous pain through my back and under my bump, and also began to slightly bleed. The member of staff on the phone was amazing and calmed me down until the crew arrived and they began asking lots of questions and doing tests, at this pint is where it goes a little bit fuzzy as i began to black out. The next thing i knew i was in the back of an ambulance with a lady saying he’s coming now, fear overcome me and i froze but the lady was reassuring me everything was going to be ok, but at the same time i could see something in her eyes that wasn’t right. I’m not sure how long it took but it felt like i blinked and he was there in my arms. The ambulance lady placed him on my chest and said “here he is”. I was so tired and shocked and happy all rolled into one. But then i said to the lady “he’s not crying” she looked at me and I kept repeating myself, by this point we had reached the hospital and my mind was so heavy. The lady sat on the floor of the ambulance next to me and told me that my beautiful boy was born sleeping, she tried to explain further but i heard nothing i just looked at my boy and smiled. I got transferred to a room where i just held him and didn’t let go but nurses and doctors stayed with me and spoke to me as they needed to take him to be checked and me to be checked over. The nurse came and sat with me and listened to me talk about him and how happy i was in that moment, and then took a photo of him, just him. I then hugged him an kissed him on his forehand and held his tiny hand, and gave him to the nurses. I then phoned my sister and told her what had happened and she proceeded to tell my mum and then i hung up the phone, and i got up and i left hospital and I didn’t look back. Too this day i am not sure why i chose to do that but I don’t regret my decision. Once i was back with my sister and other family i sat there and said nothing, didn’t eat baby thing didn’t drink anything i just sat there, i did this for about a week, and then I cried, and kept crying for a long time. Looking back i had the most amazing support around me from friends and family but didn’t realise it at the time, at the time i pushed away from them and from everyone, I’d didn’t want anyone but my son. I did in this time choose his name which is Fletcher James William. The 17th July 2012 was the best and worst day of my life rolled into one, i feel so honoured to be able to call him my son and to be his mum, but the pain will never go away, it will stay inside me forever which is what i like because it is a constant reminder of how strong i am and how i will never experience anything again as painful as that day. I don’t share this story with people i do not know but i wanted to because if it helps more people to talk about the same situation then it will make a difference, because talking is a healer, and because one of the greatest things I struggle with is people acknowledging my son and me being a Mum. Sent from my iPad
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