"My dad died 2 months ago. He had cancer, and it was expected, but still unbelievable at times. And I just had a baby in July. He lived far away and so I would send pics of her to him via text. Now every time I take a cute pic of my baby girl, my instinct is still to add him to the group text. And that’s when it stings the most. Just now I had that feeling, and I almost sent it, just to see if anyone had his old number yet, and to see what i’d get back, if anything. I’ve heard of people doing this- texting or leaving voicemails for their loved ones that died. I get it now.
I also ran across some pics of all of us from thanksgiving 2017-and I wasn’t expecting the crushing, suffocating grief that i’d Feel. It was so heavy that I couldn’t allow myself to feel it. The baby was crying, my 3 year old was shouting for my attention, and my husband was just walking through the door. So I bottled it up and put it back inside. But it’s there. And i want to keep it to myself, almost selfishly, because I literally have no time for myself in any other aspect of my life. So I keep this grief monster- it’s like Stockholm syndrome- it’s killing me, but I don’t want it to leave and I don’t want anyone to know about it- I’m protecting it. I will get through this. I’m confident of that. But for now, I’m just letting it burn. "
I lost my dad in April 2018 to cancer. He fought his battle for 3 years and towards the end he declined so rapidly. We spent most of the past 3 years in the hospital. It was the hardest thing I’ve gone through in my life, especially since he passed right before my college graduation. What helps me cope with the grief is that I know he’s in a better place; he’s no longer suffering. I cry everyday thinking about how things would be different if he was still here. But I know he would want me to be happy. He’s my motivation every day to be the best person I can be. It’s okay to fall apart, it’s okay to cry. I struggled with that for so long. Always keep the good memories close to your heart, and let the bad ones fade. He will always be with you.
dealing with a loss is crushing dealing with a loss is pain, it hurts and that hurt builds, you know I’ve dealt with loss a lot of times and I’ll be honest it doesn’t get easier it becomes liveable it becomes apart of everyday you learn to live with it and grow with it, they say it’s easier when you know that it’s happening, I don’t believe that I believe it makes it more difficult I believe having it infront of you like that is incredibly hard, but you have time that is the one thing beautiful and great you have your time now You have time to grieve and be sad you have time to feel it you have time for it to become real to you until it settles the time for that unfortunately is unknown but talk about it talk about him, laugh about him, cry about him do it all, no one who loves you wants too see you in pain and it’s takes awhile to see that but it’s takes time. <3
So sorry for your loss.
Totally understand your journey 💛
Sorry for your loss. Loss of a loved one is so very hard. Everything that everyone has said is so very true.. Crying is okay, being sad is okay, missing them is okay.. it's all okay. Understanding that you are holding this monster is okay too.. it doesn't get better or easier.. you just learn to live your life around that loss. My girlfriend lost her mom 2yrs ago to cancer.. she was her caregiver for most of he time after her mom was diagnosed.. so when her mom passed, it was right there.. she goes through the thoughts and feelings of things would be different if she was here.. or wanting to end her life because then she would be with her mom.. That hurts to hear.. but I understand, all I do is tell her, its okay.. cry, let it all out (ugly cry if you have to 😊.. that usually makes her laugh) I'm here for you, even just to listen.. or I tell her that her mom is in a better place, she would not want you to end your life, she is looking down on you... We go to her grave site and as much as she doesnt think it helps.. I think it does, because I see a differencein her. All I am saying is that everyone heals differently... do what you need to to help tame the monster..
I am so very sorry for you loss. Your post hit me hard. Loss of someone so close to your heart is something im dealing with each day as well. I lost my father to cancer a few years ago and the feeling of bottling it up and holding in the grief is something I know oh too well. It’s a weird thing we do, but it’s like you don’t want others to know how you’re battling with it and you never want to appear weak. My best advice is to feel it. Let it come in waves, but never dismiss it. Feel every second of the emotion, whether its a form of anger or simply just missing the love of your father. I know they say botteling it up is the wrong thing to do, but sometimes it’s just what we gotta do, to make us feel closer, to hold onto that person. But dont Forget to feel the other emotions.. the good ones. I wish u peace and ease with this journey.. time heals. Much love.
It wasn’t my dad and I was much younger when my grandfather passed. He essentially raised me until I was 8 or 9 because my mom’s priorities were messed up and my dad worked constantly in order to provide but that’s a different story... my grandfather was my best friend and my comfort. He passed after a 2 year battle with cancer and I never got to see him before he took his final breath (my dad flew out to encou him to keep fighting and he passed away after my dad left to come get us..about 2 hours). I went into a severe depression and refused to eat or drink because what was I supposed to do without my person? Ive learned to cherish everything my grandfather stood for and remember all the times I had. It’s harder now that I have my own son because I just desperately want him to know him. I keep pictures around and I have a box of his things that I occasionally open up and just hold and cry into. It’s okay to cry, it’s okay to miss them and it’s okay to not be okay. I find comfort in finding something that smells like them their old cologn, soap or anything that reminds me of them and I cry Because it hurts. I wish you the best
I also lost my father to cancer April 2018. He was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer in February and passed from a pulmonary embolism which happened because of the chemo meds he was on. Nearly 2 months later on 4.17.18 he passed! It’s definitely normal to feel what you’re feeling. Take all the time you need to greave, there is no time limit for grief. Everyone goes through a unique grief process. Just tonight I cried as I was driving because I heard a song that he loved but after I sang it and cried I felt better. When I visit my mom (2 hours away) I like to put the TV on his hunting and fishing shows just to feel like he’s there or when I make cookies or a cake I’ll shout, “Oh daddy I’m eating the batter and licking the bowl!!!” (That was his job). Look at pictures, talk about him, talk TO him.. he’s there with you. The pain will always be there but as every day passes it gets a little easier to cope. Good luck!!
I lost my mom almost 3 months ago due to cancer and the biggest thing that has helped is reminding myself she is no longer in pain and I recently started going to therapy. I’ve only had one appointment but I sobbed the entire time and just getting it all out to someone who doesn’t know me was so so helpful. my mom and I used to talk every morning and night and sometimes during the day so I understand your urge to want to send pictures and still haven’t figured out how to get rid of that urge to contact her :(. Stay strong and just know he is watching over you.
I lost my mom almost 9 years ago when I was 18. It was the absolute hardest and most crushing time of my life. My loss was unexpected and sudden but no matter what .. it was a loss. Whether we expect it or not, once it happens it punches you in the gut. It has honestly taken me awhile to figure out what’s worked for me when I cope, it’s an everyday struggle but there’s one article I tell everyone about now that I read when I feel like I’m barely hanging on.. look up the article about the old man and his view on grief. It was life changing for me. I also listen to my moms favorite songs, singers, watch her favorite Movies, watch home movies ... anything at all that she loved!! It’s the hardest loss of your life when it’s your parent .. but just know that they want You to smile & love life like you did when they were there. were All here for you <3