As I begin to share my story I can't help but cry. I have so many medical issues and some I have had my whole life. The one that really is hard is infertility. I was told at 19 that I could never have kids but no one could tell me why. Doctor after doctor would say the same things. You won't ever have kids, bleeding for 52 days straight is normal, and the best one your no different than another women out there. My symptoms were heavy cycles, cramps so bad I would black out, painful sex and I rode the emotional roller coaster all the time. My dream of being a mom was shattered so I thought. I even wrote in third grade I want to grow up to be a mom and a teacher. I nailed the teacher part and those children I treated as my own. I still wanted the dream to be a mom. I got pregnant out of the blue and we were over the moon. But gut instinct kept telling me something was wrong. I was right we lost the baby at 13 weeks 5 days. I was in the ER with a doc who told me you will get over it and all will be ok. I was left in a cold room for 2 hours in a gown waiting for the hospital to run some more tests. When I asked a nurse she says oh your not considered a emergency. Once they finally ran my tests and said yes you lost the baby you can go home now and try again. I was taken back to my mom and husband to let them know. My husband said I am so sorry, hugged me and walked out. What I didn't know is he went outside for air and fell to his knees sobbing. Another heartbreak for me because I couldn't give him our dream and maybe the doctors were right we would never have kids. Then the heartbreak of telling everyone and everyone saying it's ok you can try again. DAMN IT I don't want to try again I want my baby the one we lost. My mother in law blamed me for the loss too. I know in my heart and mind it wasn't my fault but that hurt. Then 2 years later we found out we were pregnant again with triplets. We are over the moon to only lose all three at 14 weeks. Another huge devastation and heart break. I blamed myself but I knew something was wrong and again everyone kept saying you are normal. I ended up going through 11 OB/GYN doctors all saying the same thing. I felt defeated and like none was listening to me . Finally a friend suggested to a doctor she liked and It took me a few months to make the appointment for fear it would be the same story. Once I met Dr. H I was not impressed with him because he was like once you are in pain again come back and we will talk. Well that didn't take long. 2 weeks later and I was literally crawling into his office. He helped me on to the table and did my exam. He said well we have good and bad news. I think you have endometriosis and I began to ball. Finally a possible answer and someone who is listening to me. He told me this on Thursday and I was in surgery on Tues. Yes I have endometriosis which is where the uterine lining grows outside the uterus, PCOS or poly cystic ovarian syndrome which is a condition that affects your hormone levels and finally adenmyosis which is heavy bleeding. I was devastated again but so happy I had a diagnosis. I was not crazy after all. We sat down made a plan of how to help me and how we would try to get pregnant. To know there is hope was the best feeling ever. We started doing ultra sounds, more testing and started infertility meds. We did this for 4 long years. Everything from timed sex, to more tests to more surgeries to clean out more endometorsis. Finally Dr. H said I have one last medicine we can try otherwise you are going to have to do IVF. NO NO NO I said I can not see any other doctor. I pulled it together and filled the prescription for Femera. We started the journey of trying again and we got pregnant. Dr. H even cried with me and immediately made me high risk as I was only 3 weeks along. WE DID IT! WE have our miracle baby who no one believed would happen except Dr. H. Fast forward 2 years later and we decided to try again. We tried for 2 years and decided we have out miracle and could not be happier. Inferitilty is so taboo to talk about and I know it is a personal journey and one that is extremely hard to go through. I had NO idea many friends had dealt with it but I have decided to put a voice to the pain of it all. I have had many more struggles such as a doctor nicking my bowel and having to have a colostomy and having that reversed to a doctor forgetting an ovary. Yes she forgot an ovary. I have had a total of 15 lower stomach female related surgeries . My stomach looks like a road map to no where. But these are my scars of defeat. I defeated the theory I couldn't have kids and I could not be more grateful. This journey has made my marriage stronger and made me truly believe in miracles. I get to look at my daughter everyday knowing what we went through to get her here and to live my dream finally I am a mom. I continue to battle my other medical issues but I will fight the rest of my life. That is ok for me because I have a daughter to live for. If you have ever dealt with infertility. I know your pain and know there is always hope!
We encourage you to contribute to – or even start – a conversation with others; to share your story here in an effort to help others feel related to, and, conversely, to gain the support you may be longing for. If even just one person could be reminded that they are not alone in this world, we’d consider this a success.
We understand that telling your story may be hard, especially in a public forum. If you’re someone who would like to share your story, but remain private, please email us at firstname.lastname@example.org. We will post your story through our ‘For The Hayters’ profile, so that you may share with full anonymity. You know your story matters; We know so, too.