When you feel like you’ve had everything taken from you.

I’m now 25 but two years ago I was diagnosed with stage 2 Hodgkin’s lymphoma. My husband and I had just gotten married And we were starting our lives together. Getting a diagnosis of any kind is super hard it feels like a tornado just swoops in and disrupts everything. I had to go through 9 months of chemo and It tore me apart. I couldn’t go to work, see friends, I was in the hospital pretty much every in between week for multiple issues chemo related. They say the first year of marriage is hard but doing it while also going through chemo is even harder. i thought we were going to divorce on multiple occasions.

One night I called my mom telling her I didn’t want to do it anymore. I couldn’t take the pain, the vomiting, not having a life, my husband feeling like he’s a thousand miles away but sitting right next to me on the couch. I just wanted to give up and let the cancer take over. I had so many people around me to help me and be my support but you still feel alone because they don’t actually know what you’re going through. Ive always wanted to be a mother and I may never be able to have my own children now.

after chemo I went through a really bad depression. I felt like cancer took everything away from me. My life, my job, my family, the one thing I’ve wanted most in my life felt like it was falling through my fingers one by one the only upside was I was cancer free.

I got put on antidepressants and anxiety medication. Any time I see a doctor or get sick I get the worst anxiety that they are just going to find my cancer again. As I write this I am waiting for biopsy results to come back for possibly a different kind of cancer.

You change after something so major happens in your life. I still feel alone even though I have so many people in my life who support me and want to do anything to help me be better but I still feel like no one would notice if I was gone but I’m trying to get through everyday. I’m a waitress and I meet so many people that ask me about my life and I tell it because I’m an open book. And you would never know how many people you meet with similar stories if you don’t tell yours.