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Sep 1

Being a mom to a child who isn't yours


I am currently raising a family members child. My husband and I have never been able to have children which has been crushing at times but we have made the best of it. Well about a year and a half ago my husbands cousin called me asking if I could take care of her son until she managed to get her life back in order, we had offered her this opportunity a few months before when she had been arrested but she totally blew us off. We agreed to on the condition that she signed custody over so we wouldn't end up with the back and forth of having him and than not. I didn't file the paperwork with the courts right away because 1 it's a lot of paperwork and 2 I was really hoping she would start getting it together. Then we got a phone call from CPS, child protective services, asking if hewasw with us and saying they needed to see him. We invited them out to our home and ended up doing a home visit with them that day. At the end of the visit we were informed that we needed to file the custody paper work immediately or they were taking him into custody and away from his home for the last month. So I filed and was required to put a restraining order on the mother in order to keep CPS at bay. This created hate in the family dividing it dang near in half. 3 months of court and constant hate we found out the mother was lying to everyone and using drugs heavily. My husband and I were granted full custody with the mother not recieving visitation. Within 2 months of our final custody court date the mother was arrested for selling drugs, she ended up spending 9 months in jail and 3 months in rehab. The hate is still there and she still doesn't have visits but I know the day will come when she tries to enter back into his life. I hate the thought of her disrupting his life, he was under a year when we picked him up and has no recollection of her that he has shown. I am his mom and my husband is his dad we are the only parents he remembers and I am fearful he will not adjust well if she reentered his life. I'm afraid to leave my home in case she sees us in public and creates a scene. My life as a mom to someone elses child has been full of so many emotions happiness fear thankfulness frustration gratitude and anger. More and more people are raising family members children and yet no one talks about it or the emotions surrounding it. We feel alone and like we have no support because it is so taboo to talk about but we aren't alone we just have to remember that. Being a mom to someones elses child is the most rewarding thing I have done in life so far

I can completely relate to your post. I am to raising another family members child. She was placed with me when she was 11 months old when DCF stepped in and took her from her mother due to drug use. Rights were terminated because mom didn't try to get her back and dad was in prison so it went to trial and his rights were terminated. Then she was placed for adoption and that's when I started getting lots of pressure from some family members about whether or not I would adopt her and it caused lots of tension. I myself was already a single mom of a 17 year old and 13 year old at the time. After lots of tears, sleepless nights and prayers I chose to be the secondary option for adoption. I told them that her future was in my hands and I had to do what I thought was best for her future and no one else's. And if trying to give her a mom and a dad was it then I was going to try. The best interest staffing was then presented with both adoption applications to see who they voted to chose to be her adoptive family. While I couldn't imagine my life without the little girl that was now 2, I had always tried to tell myself I was her temporary momma and I had to do what I thought was best for her. Well, fast forward... I was chosen to be her adoptive family and here we are almost a year after the adoption and I couldn't imagine my life any other way. The part where you shared you are afraid to leave your house in case you see the birth mom in public, I still have anxiety about that and am afraid to go to the store in the town I live in. And you hit it spot on about the emotions. The process from start to finish was by far the most mentally and emotionally draining thing I had been through. While as your mom you want to protect them, its all in someone else's hands with our hands tire. Good luck to you on your journey!

Norma thank you for making me feel like i am not alone. Being a mom is hard enough adding other stressors that could potentially cause craziness with the child you love makes it worse.

New Posts
  • Hello everyone, My name is Jillian, I am 38 years young and live in Florida. I am a firm believer in... you never know what someone is going through or what they have been through by the smile they (I) have on their face. (Deep sighhh) So back in 2015 I was a victim of domestic violence/attempted murder from an ex boyfriend I dated from 2013-2015. To make a long story short, he shot me with a gun he bought from a friend. I spent 3 full months in my local trauma hospital and underwent 7 surgeries. On my 3rd surgery the Physicians Assistant had told my mother and sister that I most likely will not make it out of surgery alive, the bullet caused so much damage, but here I am! Alive! <<Thank You Jesus!!>>It wasn't until I came out of my induced coma that I had found out that after my ex had shot me, the cops were chasing him in my car and thats when he had shot himself and had taken his own life. There is so much more detail to this but i wanted to keep it short. On May 7th it will mark 4 years.The amount of anxiety and depression that I still endure on a everyday basis .. I wouldn't wish it on anyone! The anxiety I get from walking into a crowded store to hearing fireworks go off on holidays from the inside of my home to the depression hitting me while I'm just laying in bed out of nowhere, to the amount of pain i still feel out of nowhere, it comes and goes to seeing all my scars which I refer to them as my survival scars!I know it may sound crazy but through everything i endured I wouldn't change anything. My trauma has made me a stronger woman and my Faith in God has grew tremendously! The message I want to get out to people is that if the relationship feels like it isn't right and your gut feeling is telling you something... LISTEN TO IT! Get out while you can because we as humans are unable to change another human.. they will only change if they are wanting, willing and ready to change. Feel free to message me anytime and thank you for allowing me to share some of my story with everyone.. God Bless ♡ Jillian Polete � � � � Wound vac, feeding tube, ileostomy, jp drain. � � Stent I had in my Kindney since urine was leaking inside my body from the bullet piercing through my ureter along with my colon, small intestine and missing the main artery to my heart about a quarter of an inch. � � The road rash from me jumping out of the vehicle we were in after he shot me, if I didn't escape, not sure if he would have shot me again or what. � � Had to learn how to walk again. � � After my last surgery for my colon resection. � � My Faith tattoo that a butterfly had landed on my arm.
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