"I haven’t ever told anyone what truly happened, I have always made excuses for him." - Anonymous

i haven’t ever told anyone what truly happened, i have always made excuses for him. we were together for a couple months, happy as ever.

he did have some things on his background that i should’ve just turned away when i found out about(strangulation, assault, ect.) but i didn't..

i stayed, and i told myself multiple times, “oh it wont happen to me, he’s changed.” and he did have me blind, and believing he had changed... until one night when he was asleep and his ex wife was messaging him about those two meeting up and fixing their marriage and potentially getting back together... i found this out because his phone was blowing up and i figured it must’ve been something important so i picked it up, well there was a message from her. so i opened it and read the messages.

i dropped his phone on the bed, packed most of my clothing and went to pack the rest of my things. when he woke up he instantly knew i went through his phone, and he began getting abusive.. he was in my face screaming at me, thew me up against the fridge, and was kicking my thighs(while he had me pinned against the fridge), and he tried to hit me.. i thankfully got away, i went to the bedroom and grabbed the rest of my belongings and i left.

when i was questioned on what happened i told everyone he only screamed in my face. i had worn jeans and long sleeved shirts after it happened so the bruises weren’t visible. however, this isn’t the first time it happened, when he would have a bad day he would take it out on me... i would get screamed at, he would pin me against the walls, he would do whatever he could to take his anger out without actually hitting my face so there was no visible bruises. i am now out of the relationship, and have him blocked on all forms of social media and changed my number..

but i am always so afraid to go into public by myself.

i always check the parking lots before i go into stores, when i’m in a store by myself i an always looking over my shoulder to make sure he isn’t behind me.. i don’t leave my house at night anymore because i’m afraid he’s gonna be outside waiting for me..

i have tried getting into another relationship, but i had to end it because i was afraid they were going to do the same... i can’t bring myself to dating someone new.

i eventually have to put this behind me, however i will always have the fear he is going to be there, or the next person is going to be like him.

the moral of this is if you’re in an abusive relationship, get the help you need before it is too late. i never pressed charges, and i didn’t follow through with the protection from abuse order.. i felt like i was the issue and i live with the guilt daily.