To the one person this might help:
I don't even know how to begin to tell my story because it's something I haven't told a single person, but I'm going to try.
A year ago, I fell in love with the man who I believed was going to be the end game for me. You see, I had been in a few very bad relationships. Mentally and physically abused, told I wasn't good enough, and felt worthless. This new man came along and made me believe that fairy tales existed. He would bring me wine, flowers, coffee in the morning, make sure I always had food to take to work with me and ultimately, I thought he loved me fiercely and unconditionally. Our relationship grew very quickly and we didn't spend a day apart.
A few months after finally breaking the words 'I love you,' I became ill, throwing up, not feeling like myself, and my face became super broken out. I decided that I was going to take a pregnancy test. It came back positive. It was very unplanned but I have always dreamed of this very moment. I lived on my own, supported myself, and I knew we would be okay. But I had to break the news to him. Because I thought that he loved me back and we were both old enough, I felt that he would be excited too. And then came breaking the news to him.
I will never forget that fateful night. We sat on the couch, I had a smile on my face, and I showed him the test. He demanded I took another one just to be safe and that one came back positive too. And this was where it became toxic. He freaked out, was yelling at me, saying how I was ruining his whole life and he would never forgive me and never love me the way he would have if this never happened. This continued on for weeks as I pondered on what to do. How could I be so excited and he be so disgusted? I cried myself to sleep many nights, feeling so alone and not knowing what to do. He then finally asked to talk, and I had hoped it would be that he was okay and we would figure things out. It wasn't. He came over to tell me that he was going to kill himself if I didn't abort the baby. You see, I have NEVER ever believed in that, because a child is a gift whether it is planned or not. And I was devastated. I didn't know what to do, or where to go. I didn't think he was being truthful, until he was. It was a failed attempt, I panicked and went running to his side. We tried to be okay and I let him back in. And then for him, I did what I said I would never do. I cried the whole way to the clinic, knowing that everything was about to be ripped away from me. The whole way there he yelled at me and had nothing nice to say. But I didn't know how to get out and I didn't think I could live with him taking his life, while looking at his child every day.
That was the worst mistake of my life. I think about that tiny little human and wonder what they would be like today. How amazing it would have been to have held them in my arms, kiss them and watch them smile at me.
And now, I get to live with this terrible pain for the rest of my life while he is off having a great time with other women, not even thinking about it.
To the girl who was, is or might be going through this.. You're not alone. Do not ever let a man control your beliefs, big or small. Lean on your friends and family, let them be your guidance and don't EVER let a man steal your freaking crown. If nothing else, this is all a learning lesson and though there is so much more to my story than what I can write out in this email, I hope that someone out there knows they are not alone.
Thank you to the For the Hayters team, for allowing us all to come together and share our stories. I know you guys are going to change the world.