Loosing yourself for "love"

dmannio94 · 2019-05-15T11:40:51.412Z

Hello everyone, my name is Danielle and I live in Massachusetts. I figured I'd share my story because I still feel lost and I think it could help someone struggling. I was a sophomore in college, and I met the 'man of my dreams'. He worked with my father at the local fire station, and he had this amazing smile. He was cute, loud, and contagious. When we started dating he moved in with me at my parents, he and his father did not get along so well. He helped my parents with whatever was needed, he just 'fit in so perfectly'. That all started to change about six/seven months into our relationship. I had/ have an amazing relationship with my parents, my mom is my best friend, and he thought that was weird. He said I was 'too close' to my parents and needed to separate my life from theirs- I thought it was weird, but I didn't really care, I was in love. He began to say that we need to move out, give ourselves some space, that we 'have no privacy here'. We moved out of my parents house shortly after. I wish I could describe in words how different he was after we moved out of my parents house. He controlled my job, only giving me certain hours I could work, he wanted me in the house, saying 'I spend to much time elsewhere' and that 'I need to get used to just sitting at home'. Since he was a firefighter, I needed to share my location with him on my phone and vice versa, 'incase if anything ever happened' he told me. I wish I could count on my fingers the amount of times that he got angry at me, shut off his location, and left for hours at a time. His anger turned physical. He would yell in my face, poke my chest backwards, push me out of the way. I started to hate myself, and him. We scheduled a vacation to Cancun. Who doesn't love Cancun? Warm weather, beautiful beaches, historical landmarks, the list goes on an on. Well, a few days before we left for the trip we fought. He grabbed me by the arms and started to pull, ripping me of the couch, screaming at me to leave. It didn't hurt much then. I slept on the couch. I woke up and realized what happened when I went to get into the shower the next morning. The inside of my arms were covered in bruises from his hands squeezing and pulling me off the couch. I didn't care, because I loved him. I went to the airport in a sweater, in the middle of July, a sweater. My mom was driving us and she questioned, but she believed me when I said it was because airplanes are always cold. On the plane ride from Texas to Mexico I found him texting another girl. She had sent him pictures of her and her friends and he fawned over her. I was so upset, trying to whimper to myself on the plane, and not cause a scene. He was pissed that I went through his phone, which, I guess I would be too, but he threatened to leave me in Mexico alone. I said I was sorry for going through his things, he demanded we never spoke of it again. We broke up shortly after that trip. I felt alone and sad and I missed him. Outrageous. We got back together a month later, he had 'changed'. He loved me and was sorry for what he had done. I believed him.... I shouldn't have. We moved back in with each other six months later. He convinced me that I should just pay off his credit card debt instead of paying rent. So, thats what I did. I payed off THOUSANDS of dollars. Making 1200-1300 payments per month, mind you our rent was only 1000. Two months went by and we were in the same exact spot where we left off. I felt so angry. He booked me a trip to Disney for the two of us, it was equally as miserable as Cancun. We fought every single day. I went to the parks alone. I was miserable in the happiest place on earth. Just two weeks after this vacation we broke up. I moved back home with my parents and I still loved him. I knew that this was better for me though, and my parents really helped me get out of his mind-control. We used to talk often after the break up. We wanted to still be friends. That turned into him asking for me back, again, for the second time. I hated myself for it at the time, but I said no. Please don't ever loose yourself to someone else. You will never be the same afterwards. Real love doesn't demand you change, real love doesn't demand this and that. Real love encourages you, loves you unconditionally, and finds love in the weirdness. Today, I am so happy.

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