Where do I even start, my husband and I have been married for 11 years with two beautiful kids. We have had our ups and downs and both have cheated on each other. We almost divorced last year but went to counseling and got through the rough patch and seemed to be doing really strong. Now I’m at a loss for what to do after I received horrific news yesterday. My best friend reached out to tell me he sexually assaulted her. I know she’s not lying because the sad thing I already knew he had done something deep down in my gut. I had been texting my best friend per usual and she started to not text me back. I got to thinking, was there something I did? Or maybe she has just been really busy. I even brought it up to my husband that she hadn’t been texting me back and how I was very confused as to why. Well then I thought back to the last time we hung out on New Year’s Eve. It hit me one night while thinking before bed. My husband had to have done something to her because I know I did nothing wrong. Couple days later, she messages me to let me know the horrific evening she encountered involving my husband. This isn’t the first time a friend has told me my husband tried to get with them. This is however the first time someone has said it out loud, My husband sexually assaulted them. Similar behavior and stories as the previous ones but I some how I didn’t believe them or my husband said it wasn’t just him who went after it. I confronted him about it, and he says he doesn’t remember due to alcohol being involved. But that is no excuse and he agrees as well. He has confided in me and told me that he dealt with inappropriate things as a child. He also says that he’s been doing research and it’s apart of PTSD and that from what he’s read it describes our marriage to a T. And I feel like he’s not seeing and understanding what really has happened. I know that he has said he feels like a monster and has apologized many times. I’m just having a hard time understanding and grasping all of this. He has sought help, but I am having a hard time processing this. I don’t know if I can forgive him. This is going to cost me a loss of my friendship if I stay and also the feeling of why should I stay with someone who treats women like this. But then I struggle with, if he had a problem and is willing to get help and try to fix it who am I to leave him when he’s trying to better himself. I really feel like I am crazy and Have I fallen intro the trap of a toxic marriage and don’t realize how bad this is? I too am a victim of sexual assault , but not from my husband. I know how she’s feeling and how violated she feels and how hard it was for her to tell me the truth. I have no idea how to feel or who to talk to.
We encourage you to contribute to – or even start – a conversation with others; to share your story here in an effort to help others feel related to, and, conversely, to gain the support you may be longing for. If even just one person could be reminded that they are not alone in this world, we’d consider this a success.
We understand that telling your story may be hard, especially in a public forum. If you’re someone who would like to share your story, but remain private, please email us at firstname.lastname@example.org. We will post your story through our ‘For The Hayters’ profile, so that you may share with full anonymity. You know your story matters; We know so, too.