I am currently coming out of a 5 year, same sex relationship. This was my first relationship with a female and I thought it would be the only one, because I believed she was the one. Also suffering from severe anxiety and depression this doesn't help me cope with the break up.
After spending 5 years building a life with someone and one day to find out they are leaving because 'I'm just not into this anymore' has been the worse feeling ever. To make is more difficult is that fact there was a new female employed at her work, and they became very close. Let me get into more details about what happened.
September 2013 - We began our relationship.
September 2013 - September 2018 - We encountered endless amounts of memories, life experiences and planning our future together. Take the steps to start a family, talking about marriage, buying a house together and much more.
September 2018 - our 5 year anniversary, I bought an engagement ring for her. Planning to purpose on New Years Eve in Niagara Falls. She began hanging out with this 'new girl from work' (who is married and has 2 children & I will call her 'J'). I didn't think anything of it, just two girls being friends and having fun. Until it became apparent that it was all about J. My girlfriend was always texting her, hanging out with her, J was always calling and texting my girlfriend cause she needed help (she was having issues with her husband). I eventually questioned it and became jealous because she just wasn't being herself. She told me there is nothing to worry about, they are just friends.. I believed her, because after 5 years she never did anything to make me think different. I came to realize my anxiety was out the roof, after having a complete breakdown and my first panic attack. I reached out to my doctor for help and the following week began going to a councellor, my full intentions to make myself better and bring more to our relationship. Well .... then life happened
October 2018 - My life came crashing down..... J needed to get away from her husband, so my girlfriend had no problem inviting her and her kids into my home without really asking how I feel about it. They ended up staying the weekend and it was that Sunday night that SHE LEFT ME! J was present in our home when this happened. J told me that she isn't into girls, so I needed to stop saying they had something going on.
About a week or 2 later, my ex, J and her 2 kids take off to Toronto for the weekend. And I get messages on Facebook from J's husband saying he needed to talk to me. I ignored him. He messaged again sending me screen shots of messages between J and 'my girl'. They are saying they love each other, want to take the next steps together, how beautiful she is .. blah blah blah. I was a complete mess and called to confront her. She couldn't deny it cause I had the proof. She tried to say sorry....
A week later, I let her back into my home. Not as a couple. We were going to be civil and figure things out. I was a mess.. crying, screaming, hurting! I slept on the couch for weeks. She would come and go as she wanted. But I had no control because we weren't together.
November 2018 - I was out with a friend till 2am. I pull into my drive way and see J's vehicle in the parking lot. I run upstairs to confront the situation.. my ex is sleeping in bed, J is not here. Shes still in her vehicle. I end up waking up my ex and asking why she is here. She says she doesn't know, sure enough J buzzes my apartment. I snapped and ran downstairs to confront her, but she was gone! My ex ended up coming downstairs, getting in her vehicle and taking off after J. Meanwhile I'm left at home, unable to stand from my emotions, my body shaking and can't believe what just happened. Apparently J's husband assaulted her and she came to tell my ex she was safe...
You may not believe this, but I have an eerily similar story. Everything from “5 Years,” to “Niagara Falls,” to “coworker,” so much of the detail you laid out is my own. So much of what you said reminded me of exactly what I’d gone through years ago. So I feel qualified in telling you the following: You. Will. Move. On. I, too, thought it would be my one great female love. I thought the stars were literally aligned. I was so delusional that I believed God practically gave us His blessing and handpicked us as soul mates. Trust me, I was an absolute mess, because I was absolutely in love. And not just for weeks or months. I allowed myself to be caught in her web of lies for YEARS after our breakup. She was making a home with the person she left for me, while still writing to me and telling me she made a mistake and missed me. You. Will. Move. On. But, Cassandra, you will move on so much faster if you truly accept everything. I didn’t. I refused. I‘d sooner believe my delusions and the bullshit she’d sell me to keep me tethered than the hard facts right in front of my eyes. Don’t do that disservice to yourself. Do yourself the greatest favor, and move on. You will find love again, I promise. Better yet, you will find yourself again. Her leaving me was the best thing that ever could have happened, and I firmly believe it will be for you, too. Stay strong, have hope, and embrace the fresh start.
Oh, sweet girl I know exactly how you feel. Around this time last year I was in a very similar situation. Almost 5 years with the first girl I ever dated. She ended up leaving me (after cheating on me 3 times) and I caught her in bed...our bed.. with the girl she left me for less than 2 weeks later. I thought I would never breathe right again. I thought I would never smile again, there’s no way I would ever be happy again. We planned life together, had 2 dogs and a home together. Our kids names were already picked out. How would I ever move past that? But 3 LONG months later someone else walked into my life and showed me what love truly was, and even though it didn’t work out with her either...it showed me what I deserved. It showed me that that first girl, the one I thought I couldn’t (and didn’t want to) live without, didn’t really love me. You don’t destroy people you love. That isn’t love at all. Yes, you will move on. I know every day feels impossible. I know how betrayed you feel. But I promise you that one day you will that God it didn’t work out with her. But until then, just focus on one day at a time. “By an inch or a mile, forward is the only requirement.”