I thought about writing this or not but i am going to do it becuase it can help someone else out there like me and help me close that door. So where do I begin I have been married for almost 2 years and I have known that I am attracted to women for 8 years.Being raised in a Spanish household especially mine it's never easy just to say hey this is who I am.And becuase of that i have had heart ache one after another the first one being with the girl i was with for the first time in college she was my first everything with a woman she opened my eyes to who I really was and for that i was grateful for her.But my true love she was golden she was the one that made my heart skip a beat she is the that third love that everyone finds the one you are not looking for it just sneaks up on you.But I did mention I was married right?So I met her at work she was looking over a patient and this patient we called him our cupid becuase that's where we met.She was working in the mental department and I do phlebotomy so not knowing if i would ever see her there she was and her scent was so different but there she was and we just gazed at each other and we spoke we found out we were both into criminal justice and we loved dogs I gave her my number knowing I was engaged but I gave it to her anyways not knowing how much my life was going to change.The texts were coming in and i was replying and i was set to marry in just 4 months i didnt know what to do but I couldnt stop it I couldnt tell my mom I didnt want to through a wedding she paid for but I didnt want to lose her so I lived a life I didnt want until she found out and that was the end of us but it was the end of me becuase she was what brought me life but I was to scared to tell my family who I was I got married and I was still with her he nor she deserved that.He is a great guy a great father also but he wasnt my spark he was my comfort zone and that's horrible to say but my love she couldnt take it anymore.But I did try once i brought her to a party with me and had my sister meet her hoping my sister would see how happy i was hoping she would see her sister telling her that this is the person she wanted to be with.But it didn't turn out that way and I lost the one person i wanted. So one drunken night turns into me being pregant.And the baby due date was her birthday. And as i dont regret my son he is my everything i dont want my son to grow up and be like me. I want him to be able to come and tell me hey this is what i want without judgement.I want my son to grow up and be happy he brought me life again but my heart is still missing a piece. I would do anything to get her back and I promise I wont be hiding her or put her in second place so this is for you cujo if you ever read this know I love you my love and I will never forget you. And for everyone else dont hide who you are and dont do what I did you may just lose the one thing in your life that makes sense.
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