vaginismus | For The Hayters

jovlinder · 2019-03-10T12:39:22.316Z

My first intercourse with a man was a rape. My body responded with anxiety. Then my body made a connection with sex and anxiety. It never went away and now I am 34 years old. Never had intercourse besides rape. I did had relationships but I couldn't deal with the intimacy. I feel so alone and weird. Like i'm an alien or something. Hate myself for letting him making me feel this way. I had relationships as I mentioned but they understood for only a couple of years. I'm my head every man was a rapist. Even the one that I called my boyfriend. So you can see why they've all ended. And now I am single after the last one didn't understood it at all. Thought I was making it al up. And his reasoning was that I was cheating on him. Because he couldn't understand that vaginismus is a thing. This was the last stroke for me. I went into severe depression. I only wanted to die because I'm so different from everyone. Now my depression is over and I'm still recovering from it. (Been diagnosed with borderline/vaginismus/ptsd) I'm getting there. Only my vaginismus is holding me back. I had a lot of therapy and I think I'm ready to deal with vaginismus. (My thoughts had to change before my body can change her reaction) So in a couple of months I'm trying for the fourth time to heal from it. Is there anyone out here that feels this? (when grammar is wrong..sorry I'm from the Netherlands)

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